I locked myself away

I went home with my partner and no baby in my tummy. I hid away, I couldn’t talk to anyone, I couldn’t even
tell anyone. I locked myself away. I think about my baby every single day of my life, I wake up in pain every
day.

Read this anonymous story of one parents experience of baby loss.

---

Finding out I was pregnant was the best feeling.

It was something my partner and I wanted so badly. I found pregnancy so easy, I felt beautiful and so proud.
I was due for a routine midwife appointment, I said to my partner not to come as he had already come to so
many already and I felt fine. I remember sitting in the waiting room with all the other pregnant women feeling
excited but also a little anxious.
The midwife called my name and I jumped up and went into her room, I was chatty and was telling the
midwife how excited I was. I remember her saying “let’s have a listen to this little fella then”.
She put the gel onto my tummy and was wandering around my tummy for some time. I remember the look of
fear on her face.

She asked if my partner was with me because I had to go straight into hospital “for a check-up” she said.
I knew something was wrong! She told me she didn’t want me going home and wanted me straight into
hospital. She then said she would follow me in the car and meet me there.
I arrived at the hospital to a team waiting for me. At this point I was still oblivious as to what was happening,
But I knew it was serious. I was crying and asking them what was wrong with the nurses there just reassuring
me.
A doctor came in to say they were going to bring on my labour.
My beautiful baby boy was born 2 hours and 45 minutes later wearing his angel wings.
My life stopped before me. I had no feeling, I was numb.

He was beautiful, I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t alive.
The midwife from the surgery came and sat with me and put her arm around me and said she was so sorry.
I kept saying, “I don’t understand”. “Everything was fine yesterday, what did I do wrong?”.
I went home with my partner and no baby in my tummy. I hid away, I couldn’t talk to anyone, I couldn’t even
tell anyone. I locked myself away. I think about my baby every single day of my life, I wake up in pain every
day.

I have learned to live with the pain but I will never forget, I don’t want to forget either.
His footprints are always in my heart and his beautiful face is forever in my memory